Thursday, February 6, 2014

Damsel in distress - does it work and how far should it go?

 Since I have not been in the playpen for so long many of the rules now just seem to baffle me.  One of my co-workers is what you would see from a distance as being happily married.  And I dare say if you asked him he would consider himself as such. 

The only problem is that none of us around him would consider him that.  He works and his wife is simply a housewife.  Now while I might seem resentful I am not but I know so many women that are at home and I respect them plenty for holding down the fort at home-base because heaven alone knows that takes some doing.  The only problem here is that she does absolutely nothing.  Calls him twenty times a day to ask what she should do or tell him what groceries he needs to pick up on his way home.  Sometimes he calls to tell him to run errands during office hours while she is at home – things that she can actually do and do not need heavy lifting.

Being a woman one would think I would be rejoicing and saying one for the team.  No this one gives girls a bad name.  Or maybe I am the wrong one here and would then think that that whole "useless without you" that she is fronting is what is keeping her in the home.  Is this what men find attractive - a woman totally dependent on them to the point of ridiculous?  Did I figure it all wrong and the whole “we are a team” play book needs to be thrown out?  Seriously I am baffled!! This woman is no longer a damsel but the role truly seems to be still in play!

Monday, January 27, 2014

New Year's resolutions

I figured I would wait a little before zoning in on my New Year's resolution.  Thought by the end of the first month I would have a better idea of how my year is going and what part I had to play in making 2014 better than 2013 but alas I am still very confused.  Confusion has more to do with my lack of progress filing that longtime vacant post of "significant other".

Everyone and their mama seem to have an opinion on the reasons for my lack of progress.  I have tried being more open minded because many said I was closed minded.  My one cousin tells me all the men fall short of this ideal boyfriend I have formed in my head.  A part of me agrees with him but the other part screams NO!!!  A very loud no!  I am definitely not looking for a tall dark and handsome "Mr. Big" like dude.  No sire.  I absolutely take no pleasure from other women ogling at my man but neither must he have a third eye.

I consider myself an extremely sociable person -"A people-person so to speak".  I have friends from all walks of life and do not find it difficult to get into conversation with anyone about anything. So one would think that is half the battle there.  I am no way a snob - for heaven's sake what would I be a snob about.

The difficulty for me is that I live in a society where it is absolutely OK for a woman to approach man.  I am reliably informed that men find this extremely sexy.  I on the other hand am extremely old fashioned. I want to be courted.  I want to get to know a guy before I pretend to be committed to him for the rest of my life (not that I am looking for a short relationship we all do commit ourselves verbally way before  I want to talk into the wee hours on the phone as I slowly get to know a guy.  I want to take walks, watch a movie that I like and then sit down for a football game or basketball whatever is his fancy.  I am even willing to go golfing once its thaws from this deep freeze we are in.

So tell me where I am going wrong?  Neither do I have a third eye.  I work hard at keeping my weight down because I love my food passionately as I love most other things.  What is it that men are looking for?  Is there a manual somewhere - if so please send me a copy!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The dangers of carrying a torch for a past love


Relationships end for many reasons - some have dramatic endings and leave scars behind to that remind us of how glad we are that the relationship ended.  Then there is the reverse - the relationship just ends and there are not solid reasons why.  You either just drift or one moved to another state and keeping in touch becomes increasingly difficult.

In the situation of the move, sometimes there is a lot of unresolved issues and therein lies the danger.  When we drift we tend to store away memories in a box, tied up with pretty ribbons and we occasional open the box as a feel good fuse as we stroll down memory lane.  As time passes unfortunately we age but seldom do we remember to age the contents of the box accordingly.

As luck would have it, one day we get that surprise telephone call or email - "I am in town can we meet?"  We go to our pretty box for a quick refresher and in no time we are like a lovesick school girl giddy with excitement at the thought of reacquainting with a lost love - "the one that got away."

Nothing prepares you for the shock.  In it all, we are our own worst enemy because our memories are never to the point.  For those that disappointed us they might as well have been a serial killer.  For those that left us still wanting more we romanticize absolutely everything and in the end the avatar in our head could not be further away from the real person who we finally sit down with at our local Starbucks. 

It will be the longest short meeting you will have ever had (that is hoping of course you were wise enough to start off with a coffee and didn’t go full on with dinner.  At which point you just want to get away!).  In short try not to carry a torch for a past love for seldom do they live up to our romanticized version of themselves.

Monday, December 2, 2013

How old is too old



Does the difference in ages with your partner really matter?  Or am I just old fashioned.   Being a fairly active woman in my mid 40s I was surprised when my cousin said she would like to introduce me to “guy a little older than” me.  I was quick to ask how much older.  Well he is in his 60s.
 
I really do not know about all of you but two decades seems an awfully big difference in ages for my comfort.  He would, in my little world, be old enough to be my dad.  I know some women like a “mature man” but since that whole women mature early than men sort of level out between 30 and 40 years of age.

You see here is how I see it, I am in my 40s and finally I really know who I am.  And finally feel that I have earned the freedom not to be inhibited by any stereotypes nor do I feel pressure to fit in.  I finally feel I can enjoy my life and I have 20 years within which to do so.  Now if I were to latch myself to a man nearing 70s isn’t that defeatist somehow?  He is entering his sunset and I am right bang in the middle of my day – how can we run together at the same pace?

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Single Life During Holiday Season

I recently met a woman who revealed to me that even though her Facebook profile shows her as being in a relationship she really isn't and has been single for some  time now.  She takes even it further - the man she is in a "relationship with" actually plays for the other team but they are really good friends and needed someone permanent to be her + one when she goes to functions.

At first I really did not get it at all.  But now as the holiday season approaches and the apprehension of those prying eyes as you arrive at a function by yourself and everyone else is with their significant other.  I dread the questions from family - the aunt who gently says "Sweetheart come and sit by me and tell all that you have been up to since the last time I saw you!" or "What ever did happen with that bloke you were with two years ago?"  Questions and prying go on and on.

Every question while asked with nothing but the best of intentions it is generally received with untold apprehension and dread.  It's not that I want to be single, no but I have however embraced that this is where I am right now.  It's just simply that I cannot seem to meet the right "guy" - that perfect one whose bad habits I can learn to live with just as learns to live mine! 

Monday, November 25, 2013

Is the soul searching after a breakup necessary


Why is it after a breakup women want to go and revisit every single relationship they have ever had?  Does it actually serve a purpose?  If you are giving of your best while you are in a relationship there really should be any need to soul search afterwards.

Many of us get really angry and overact.  Now do not get me wrong.  I am not saying do not get mad. Yes get really mad but do not cut all lines of communications just because you are mad.  Allow yourself a day of two to simmer down some.  Then after you have calmed down then reassess things.  Some sins are unforgivable and other we need to find compromises.

Before you swear up and down that you want some out of your life take time to look at the good times too.  Weigh the pros and cons.  Danger is sometimes we tell ourselves that someone who loves would never do certain to us but we seldom look at what we do to loved ones. 

So before you go to all corners of the world in search a duplicate of what you have just banished out of your kingdom tell them just how upset you are and hear their reason for the big tragedy.  If there is neither remorse nor a promise never to repeat said sin again then you need to head towards the exit sign. 
Soul searching once our anger subsides is no good for anyone if the relationship is now too damaged to fix.  The saying "never go to bed angry" does not need to be taken so literally for I believe sometimes we can be flaming angry - but let’s do it with a purpose.